i'm signing you up for texting rehab
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
