so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
