We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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