i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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