the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
