Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
two words...techno handjob
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
