I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
