hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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