god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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