I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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