Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
