How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
