2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
