You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
