I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
