Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
