i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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