If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He shit in the fireplace
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
