Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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