remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize