One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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