I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
