Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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