Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
