He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
