those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
