I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
