You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize