My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
