Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
vagina is talking i cant
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
