he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
