my vag is so smooth its legendary
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
