I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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