...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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