i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
