Just cropdusted the office
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
