Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
