I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
