Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My hand turned me down
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
