I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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