Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
