i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
