So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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