Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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