i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
