sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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