Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
