there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
