I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
