Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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