Just fell off a train. Bad.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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