Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
