I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
