I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
