End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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