FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
