it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
