is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
