I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
