Got a toothbrush?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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