and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
