i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Two words: blizzard sex
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
