Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
