Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
