Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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