i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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