Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
