The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
