i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can you bring me the toilet please
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
