I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
