im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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