I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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