Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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