It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
