I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
